Certainty in Times of Uncertainty

I remember the day, while driving home after a shift at the ER at Covenant Medical Center, when the Lord audibly spoke to me about my would-be wife. I worked in the ER on my days off from the ambulance as a Paramedic, and I had broken up with my – now wife Karen – because I basically felt we were too close, and due to past failed experiences I was truthfully simply afraid. I was afraid of going through the pains of failed relationships again. I was afraid of how it would affect me, and my children. In reality though, I was afraid of how it would affect me. I will have to admit, when it comes to complications in life, I am weak, and do not like them. So for me it was easier to just avoid them, so I had convinced myself, despite the fact Karen had been so faithful and honest with me in all things, that I just could not allow myself to trust a female to the point of vulnerability ever again. When we love someone with everything and trust them entirely there is some vulnerability that goes along with that. Yet to truly let go and trust one must enter that realm and say it is ok to enter the realm of vulnerability because you truly do trust that individual. In real God centered love, it is built on trust. The Bible tells us to trust in the Lord and lean not on our own understanding, and that in itself says become vulnerable, because you won’t fully understand it, but He will never fail you. A Christ – centered marriage will not fail you because God and God – centered trust is what it is built on, and that is when God spoke to me that day on Kinch street in Urbana, Illinois. As I was driving southbound on Kinch preparing to turn to the east on Rainbow View to go to my little humble duplex, (of which Karen helped me get) it was as if God knocked me upside the head to get my attention. I remember it well as I remember looking around the car as if to see if someone was in there I had missed. It was then I heard Him say so clearly to me, “I give you the best thing in your life, and you throw it away! When are you going to listen to Me?” I knew immediately what the Lord was saying to me and tears began to well up in my eyes. As I pulled into my driveway, I ran inside and called Karen who was working at the 911 center. My first words to her came in the form of a question. I asked her if I could grovel at her feet. I told her I was wrong, and I knew it. I asked if I could meet her when she finished her shift to talk, and she hesitantly obliged. From there the rest is history, but the first thing we did was dedicate our lives first and foremost to Christ, knowing if we did that, our relationship would always be solid. That was nearly twenty years ago, and God has seen us through a great deal of life’s adventures along the way. Now my known gift from God – my wife Karen – faces another of life’s battles. As she lives daily with the chronic pain and life changing results from being struck by a city bus on the driver’s side of our then new van, we now face the uncertainty of further testing from a mammogram that revealed inconsistencies from a previous mammogram. The inconsistencies were significant enough that she will be put through two hours of testing with all the specialists at her side and an immediate diagnosis will be made after all the testing is finished. What makes this a greater test of faith is the time lapse from the notification of the need for testing and the actual date of testing. There has been over a week between these dates and in these dates a lot can happen to the wandering minds of the weak, however we know our God is greater, our God is stronger, our God is higher than any other. My first thought was that of denial, as I suppose it would be for most people. I wanted to push it off as some of the unethical practices that occur in the medical field in today’s world. Yet one cannot take for granted the necessity of being sure this is not one of those instances. Soon after coming to grips with the situation, I felt the still small voice of God telling me, “remember she is your gift from Me”. The voice of God gives me comfort and still does today, and then I read Daniel 6. In Daniel 6, Daniel is facing a life-threatening battle of his own. Because of his beliefs in the one true God he is going to be thrown into the Lion’s Den. We know that God rescues Him as we believe God has and is already rescuing Karen from this situation and I will be glad to write about it when we have that testimony. Yet what Daniel does before being put in the Lion’s Den, is what speaks to me. It is the waiting period at times that often causes our faith to dwindle. If you remember as the people of Israel are led out of Egypt after years of oppression, any time they have to wait upon the Lord, they do things that are less than favorable. Yet in Daniel’s case his faith never seems to waiver. He doesn’t seem to get caught up in those potential faith destroying schemes of others. Instead it says in Daniel 6:10-11, when Daniel heard things were going to get tough, he simply kept praying to God giving God thanks, and asking Him for help. So often we get into the realm of the unknown and rather than continuing in the direction of dependency on God, we revert back to the very things that inject fear and uncertainty into our situation. Had Daniel felt uncertain about his God, he may have decided to pray in a closet, or shut the windows, but instead it says he prayed as he always did and gave God thanks all the while asking God for help. Perhaps if we quit letting fear and worry invade us through an avenue that Satan finds usable in most people of the flesh, then we too would be able to shut the mouths of the lions. Often times, we instead give way to worry, Satan fills us with uncertainty and we tend to forget the dependability factor of the one we need to depend on the most in God the Father through His Son Jesus Christ. With God all thing are possible even the closing of the lions’ mouth; the disinterested and unfounded non-life threatening life taking man eaters have lost their desire for flesh and similarly when we do as Daniel did we can shut the mouths of the enemy in situations that otherwise would consume us and hold us captive in fear. Remember it is a spiritual battle we are in not to mention the physical battles we engage in simultaneously, thus the need for the Sovereign Lord. It was this truth of God’s Living Word that brought me to the realization that with Him we have nothing to fear. Just as Daniel kept on praying we too have continued praying giving God thanks for what He is doing, about to do, and has done. We are asking God for help in keeping our minds from drifting from the truth that our God is bigger than any other, and it is in His hands. It is with this truth we have been living daily knowing God has already taken care of this the way He intends to take care of this. In whatever way He views necessary, we know we will be a testament to the awesome power of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We may not know about tomorrow, but WE do know who holds OUR hand. Just as Daniel was able to walk out of that lions’ den unscathed it is our belief as a witness of two, that God will see us through this and the lions’ mouths will be shut once more and my gift – my bride – will be delivered again. We have seen God do great miracles before and we know He is able to do abundantly more through His great power that dwells within us.