No King, No Queen

Three hours had passed and still no report. The life-threatening surgery carrying the potential to end life, paralyze, or destroy the singing of the once vocal music major, (my wife Karen), was still in progress and no reports had been given to this point. I had been told after two hours if the surgery wasn’t finished, I would at least receive an update from the operating room as to the progress. As my eyes began to well up with concern, God reminded me she is your Queen, because I am her King. Be still and know that I am God. That Psalm seemed to give me peace in a time of uncertainty. It was the second surgery to Karen’s neck after being struck on the driver’s side of our then new minivan by a city bus. The first surgery needed corrected and more damage had occurred to the vertebrae in her neck making this surgery necessary. Since she had had an earlier surgery the surgeon had to enter her neck from a less than preferable area, thus creating a higher level of risk. To avoid the surgery was not an option, for to avoid the surgery could lead to paralysis from the eroding vertebrae now compressing her spinal cord. After nearly two years of bureaucratic red tape, physical pain, and increased limitations this surgical moment had finally arrived. As I looked up with my tear filled eyes – now four hours later – I could see the doctor coming down the hall. “She did wonderful”, the doctor exclaimed. “She is recovering and you will get to see her in about an hour”, he continued. Our prayer before the surgery was for God’s hands to become the hands of the surgeon. As the doctor continued to explain the procedure it was obvious this prayer had been answered. With a fusion of now four vertebrae out of seven in Karen’s neck it was expected she would need a rather large metal plate in her neck. This plate would be permanent and would restrict her range of motion severely. With a huge smile on his face and pure excitement in his voice the doctor explained with enthusiasm how he was able to forgo the large metal plate for the use of a much smaller plate. This smaller plate is one-quarter the size of the original intended plate, and would allow more range of motion for her in the long term. The doctor was able to use it because the previous surgery had healed enough to allow for it. God is in the healing business, and with just the touch of His hand, He is able. The doctor continued to explain there were no surgical complications and he would go over her limitations with us both once she was moved from ICU to a regular room. Once the doctor left I went into the private restroom near the waiting room and began to weep uncontrollably. It was not out of sadness, but pure jubilation. I knew Karen would never be the same, but I knew God had made it possible for her to have the small plate and not the large one. I knew God had been in there with her the entire time. I had never felt closer to Karen despite being in different areas. Gratitude filled my heart as I discovered a new enlightenment of the meaning in Genesis 2:24: Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. I often refer to Karen as my Queen and as I prayed for her during this procedure I often asked the Lord to “protect my Queen.” While sitting and waiting for those long four hours the concept of Queen became clearer as things progressed. As the scripture points out in Genesis 2:24, we men are not just to leave our mother’s and father’s but leave them enough that we can cleave (emphasis added my own) to our wife so as to become one. It was clear to me how much I was one with her despite not being in the same room with her as my heart and my mind were cleaving to her despite the distance. I realized this was different than anything I had experienced before. It wasn’t the fact my parents made it clear I would need to leave the nest and be on my own. It wasn’t the fact that I had been brought up to do the best I could with what I had. While those things are great values for life, the difference was solely in Christ. Jesus was and is the head of our relationship. I cleave to my Queen because she belongs to the King. We become one because we are one with the Father, through our Savior Jesus Christ. God said and Jesus reiterated we are to love the Lord your God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and when we become one with Him we can see how a love centered in Christ becomes consuming with the most important person in our life – our spouse. Immediately following verse 24, of Genesis 2 we find in verse 25; they were both naked and felt no shame. Often times we look at this on the physical and see two naked people clamoring about in their nudity without a care in the then perfect world. Yet if we look at this in a perspective of today’s marital relationship, we can see more. If a man truly loves his bride to the point of cleaving to her and opens himself up totally to her – no hidden secrets, no glitches I like to say – and likewise for the bride, they stand totally naked – uncovered – then there should be no shame. In today’s world many times sadly it is what is under the clothing, the hidden secrets, the glitches, that often times are the demise of the relationship before it ever gets started. Yet if we talk about getting naked, only one thing comes to mind. As I sat there waiting I realized the oath Karen and I took when we dated; God first in everything, then we will grow in our relationship the way He leads – no shame. We are blessed to have the oneness of Christ in our relationship, yet the Queen of my life is greater than just a saying. As I sat there basking in the blessing of God’s miraculous glory and work in my Queen, God revealed to me that His role in my life played an important role as to her position as Queen. Paul writes in Ephesians 5:25, “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” This is a serious charge to us as husbands. Often times husbands get caught up with the preceding scripture in the same chapter indicating wives be submissive to the husband, yet as husbands we skate pass the extreme charge to us. As I sat there, God revealed to me the only way I could experience this kind of love and keep my Queen was to keep my relationship with Him as King. I always knew my relationship with Karen was nothing like I had ever experienced before and now through the whisper of His voice while sitting in the surgical waiting room, God in His infinite glory puts a new meaning to the verse in Mark 10:27, “with God all things are possible”. When I as her husband leave the ways of this world and cleave to the Savior, I will in turn understand how to cleave to my wife; With God as our King, my wife as my Queen, then and only then do we become one. The time had passed and it was now time for me to see my Queen post-operative. As I walked into her room in the ICU the picture was far from that of a Queen. Lying in the hospital bed in a semi-seated position with tubes coming from and leading to all parts of her body, my Queen looked more like a science experiment from an advance health careers class. Embodied in a neck brace from the base of her chin to the middle of her chest I wondered how she would be able to eat. Her eyes were closed and still laden with dark circles from sedation, yet even through the stupefaction of the scene, as I looked closely I could make out a small crown shape in the way her hair had landed on the pillow. Even in the stupor of the moment it was as if God was saying to me, “and here is your Queen, cleave to her”. Cleave means more than simply “to cling to”. Cleave also carries a meaning of faithful – to be faithful. As I sat there looking upon my post-op Queen adorned in her life sustaining jewels of tubing and monitoring devices, God was saying more than cling to her. His demand for us as husbands is love your wife like Christ loves the church. Jesus was saying I am faithful as you cling to me, continue to faithfully cling to her – we are one. Again, overwhelmed with joy my eyes began to well up with tears of gratitude. God had spared my Queen in His faithfulness. She is and always will be my Queen as long as God is my King. Karen and I took that vow before we ever got married, so I am confident as God is faithful so too will our relationship be. The biggest learning moment of this event came to me in the meaning of cleave. In my relationship with my wife there is a direct reflection of my relationship with Christ. As I sat pondering the miracles I had just been witness to, God revealed to me how this Queen-ship came to be and how it would continue. I realized in failed relationships of my past, God was nowhere to be found. He was not my King. Sad to say, but He had been pushed completely out of my life for quite a long period of time, and it was reflected in the relationships I had attempted. It was as if no King, no Queen. It was apparent to me now through His revealing that as long as God was my King, she would always be my Queen. God has joined us together therefore no man or man-made situation shall put asunder this oneness we have. I understand now, for me to have my Queen, I must be true and one with the King first and foremost. I know if Karen is ever less than my Queen it will be a direct reflection on my personal relationship with the King. In other words, if ever I am not treating her in the ways Paul writes: “love her like Christ loved the church”, then it will be apparent I need to reassess my first love in Jesus Christ. No King, No Queen.