It's Electric - My Heart Experience

 June 29-30 timeline

Oh no, it’s happening again, I thought to myself as I quickly found a seat to sit myself down. It would seem for the second week in a row as we were fellowshipping as a church I would experience several moments of lightheadedness. It came upon me rather suddenly and the feeling of dizziness would sometimes be accompanied by moments of gradual darkness to the point of near blackout. Then came this new and unusual feeling. I could feel this strange fluttery feeling in my chest. It was as if my heart was palpitating or racing. These episodes would only last seconds, and I thought perhaps I was just hungry and in need of water. Quickly I started pounding the water. I would drink the twenty-ounce bottles of my favorite water in no time. I really didn’t feel hungry, so I just tried some vegetables that were being served.  Ah, ok, that is better, or so I thought. As I stood talking it came back yet again. Quickly I grabbed a chair and sat down not revealing to anyone that something was going on with me. I kept the conversation going just as if sitting down was part of it. Again, it passed by quickly but the fluttering in my chest was still going on. I then signaled my wife and let her know we should be going. I hadn’t let her know anything to this point. As we walked to the car, I continued to keep all of this to myself.

I am a pastor. We had just finished a spectacular service about prayer, and I had prayed in the Spirit and anointed some people for healing. The presence of the Holy Spirit was very evident in our service that morning. I began rebuking what was happening in me as we walked to my truck. As I climbed into the driver’s seat of my vehicle, I cautiously began the journey home. The fluttering action was still going on in my chest. I am also a former flight paramedic, so as I sat there driving away, I began to think. My thoughts took me into the direction of recollecting the times I would be on these types of calls with patients experiencing this very thing. I then decided that just because I have a great deal of knowledge in this field, I can’t be the one who says it will be ok and deny what is really potentially happening. I have been blessed for all of these years to have good health, and the thought of potentially having some kind of cardiac event was just not setting well with me. So, I did what most former flight medics would do. I kept on going. Then my wife looked at me from the passenger seat and asked me, “are you ok?”  It was then that I confessed. I told her no I am not. She asked me what was wrong, and I told her I just didn’t feel right. I did not go into all of the details, but she knew I had had some issues from the past week. The past week when I was driving I did nearly black out while driving and had to stop the vehicle. She panicked to some degree and at that time we switched drivers. This time when I told her I didn’t feel right she asked me what I was going to do. We were on route 136 west of Rantoul, Illinois just outside of Fisher and I said I was going to turn right at the four-way stop. Still not knowing fully what I was meaning by “I don’t feel right” my wife tried to figure out what was in that direction. After she was unsuccessful in guessing what was happening in that way I told her I wanted to go to the hospital there to get checked out. That is when the angst set in. Immediately she wanted to drive. I calmly said no, I can get us there calmly and I know you will be upset and panicked so I can do this. The entire time I am telling her this, my chest is still fluttering.  Then it happened again. That near blackout moment hits me and I began to tell her, oh no, hear it comes, as I pulled the vehicle over. We then switched drivers and yep, you guessed it, she drove like a bat out of you know where.  I calmly reminded her this was the reason I didn’t want her to drive, and she replied to me she is just driving like it’s an ambulance. At one point in our relationship, we both used to work together for a local level one trauma center’s ambulance company. She would drive me to the hospital while I was treating a patient, so to her this was reliving that moment. Needless to say, I said no more.

We arrived at the hospital, and I was immediately taken to a room and there were the nurses I used to work with. They wouldn’t let my wife come back with me until they knew what was happening, which would turn out to be a good thing yet take quite some time. They quickly hooked me up to the cardiac monitor and the reason for that feeling in my chest was quickly revealed. Low and behold, as we all looked with utter amazement at the cardiac monitor, we could see my heart was literally racing. My heartrate was racing at a rate of 232 beats per minute. Now for those who don’t know, a normal range of heart rate is between 60 and 80 beats per minute. If you are running or exercising something around 100 is tolerable, but this rate is dangerously high. I looked at my nurse, of whom I had worked with before and I asked her, “Is it SVT?”  She said yes and then the frightening parts began and I was still without my wife by my side. This is probably a good thing because what happens next was frightening to me. What they were about to do to me, I had done to others in my time as a flight medic. I had seen it work, and I had seen it have some adverse reactions where we would end up having to do CPR on the patient to get them back because the medicine is so intense. I began to pray and ask the Lord to protect my family. I prayed, Lord like Hezekiah asked for more years, Lord I am asking because there is so much left to do in the kingdom. I was about to get Adenosine, which literally stops your heart for a second in an effort to restart it in the correct slower rhythm. As they prepared to give the first dose, I prayed, Lord I am in your hands, and they gave it. I felt it mildly. It wasn’t as abrupt to me as I had witnessed it to some of my patients. This was probably due to the fact it was unsuccessful. In those cases when the first dose is ineffective, they double the dose and try again. Now I was really concerned. Again, I prayed, Lord protect my family, and if I can have those years let your will be done here.  They pushed that second dose of double the amount through me. I groaned in agony as I felt it go through my body. My heartrate dipped momentarily, and my body pains subsided gradually. Imagine a great amount of weight being suddenly upon your chest and then being gradually rolled off of you towards your waist. As the pressure subsided, I took a look at the cardiac monitor and again – it didn’t work. I was still running at 230.  Fear came over me because I knew what usually comes after failed medicine regimes. Normally, if the meds do not work, a person is shocked. Yep, that is correct. A person is then prepared for a synchronized cardioversion.  In this process they shock your heart at just the right time in an attempt to get it back in the correct rhythm. I have done this procedure on people in the prehospital setting, and I again was having flashbacks to the reaction of my patients who went through this painful process. Then the doctor said those amazing words. The doctor said wait. Wait never sounded so good to me. He said there could be something underlying, so I am going to check with the specialist. Soon he came in with another medicine option and it brought my rate down to half of what it was, and I was now running at a rate of 126. With the slowdown in rate there was a new concern. Now that the rate was a little slower the rhythm was now a slightly more eligible and the concern for an atrial arrythmia came up. It was then that I was admitted to the ICU and put on a 24-hour drip of this drug bringing my rate down. However, it wasn’t enough.

After 24 hours of this infusion going into my body my rate never went below 126. As a matter of fact, if I tried to stand or move to much it would spike back up over 200. I was literally bedbound still. I was some what discouraged by this as I began to think of how I just can’t be in bed all the time. Urinating in a jug while sitting in a bed is not easy, I am telling you. All modesty goes by the wayside as you just want to be successful in keeping things dry.  The doctor comes in and tells me what I had been thinking was coming all along. He comes in and tells me that since my heartrate is still too high, I will need to be cardioverted. They are going to shock me. My response was simple. I just responded, “yeah, I thought that was coming next”. The thought process of my heart being shocked began to race through my mind. We shock hearts to restart them when people’s hearts aren’t working. My heart is working and now we are going to shock it. What happens if the shock makes it not work. I texted my kids and made sure they knew I loved them. My oldest son’s birthday was going to be in a few days, so I wanted him to know I loved him and was proud of him and his little family. I seriously didn’t know how this would be for me. I had thoughts of how I’ve seen so much death in my time and how one minute you are someone and the next minute you are a memory. I thought of my lovely wife and hoped she would be well taken care of without me. I’m serious, these things come to you when you are about to get shocked. Then the lighter side came to me. It’s like God said, I got you. I started thinking of the KISS song, Shock Me. It has lyrics in it that say, “shock me, make me feel better”.  It was totally as if the Lord was trying to say it would be fine. I began to sing in my head I trust in God, my Savior One, He has never failed.  I kept all of this in because my wife was already struggling with this.  Then the doctor comes in just before the procedure and gives us an encouraging word. He tells us that shocks are safer than medicinal treatment and everything will be good. He tells us I will be put to sleep for it and when I wake up it will be over. That’s when I began to think what if I wake up in heaven. Then it was time.

In rolls the crash cart. I already had defib pads on my chest and they fished the open connector out of my gown. My wife was still in the room as they began to get things in position for the procedure. A nurse anesthetist walked in and went through the routine questions and procedures with me. Soon the doctor walked in and gave the order for everyone to take their places. My wife was escorted out of the room. Her eyes were all welled up with tears as she was alone now. None of our kids were there with her and she was by herself now. Our youngest son had spent the night with me, and he was home sleeping and the others for the most part live out of town. I said softly to her that it would be ok. I said it as much for her sake as for my own. Again, I prayed to the Lord and said Lord, I am in your hands. The nurse anesthetist began the sedative and as I wondered how long it would take to work the next thing I knew I was out. There was a period there of absolutely nothing. Then I remember hearing my name and them saying we are done, it’s all over. I saw my wife standing over me with her smile and her eyes still sweating ever so lightly. I asked if it only took one shock. You see sometimes it can take more than one attempt. Each attempt the amount of electricity is increased, and with the way I didn’t respond to the medicine, I was curious as to how my body responded to being shocked.  Emphatically they all said in unison, “ yes, it only took one”!  I groggily replied with a Praise Jesus.  That is when I knew how blessed I was and how Jesus had given me that extra time I had requested.  Some may say that this is a routine thing for SVT, but anything can happen in these situations. I have done this same treatment with people and seen them go into a flatline rhythm we call asystole.  The flashbacks were surreal, and the thought of leaving my family at times was overwhelming. Still today I think of what I want to do while I am still here. I know where I am going, yet I want to make sure while I am still here my family knows how much I love them. I want them to know how much I know Jesus and that I know He is the reason I have what I have.

I also think of my church family. I have only been with them a short time as well. As I stated we had just come out of a great service where the Holy Spirit was present in a big way. I think of how much is still to be done there and how much God has in store for us. I know the Lord has brought me there not to be done prematurely for some physical ailment, but to work in the presence of His Spirit and see the Kingdom glorified through this church.  This church banded together and prayed for me and still does. It is amazing to me as I prayed over people that morning of this event, the people then banded together and began praying over me from where they were. God is so good, and I am thankful for His presence in my life. Everyday I have prayed as I start each day a prayer of thanks for a day not promised. That prayer holds greater significance and meaning after this past event. You see, not only did I make it through all of the treatments to get back into a good and slower rhythm, but after it was all finished it was concluded that this was indeed simply and SVT rhythm. There is not an atrial dysrhythmia, which is a great thing as SVT is the lesser of all evils and more easily treated. They then did a couple of other tests to be sure of no further damage, and they proved all was well. I am here to tell you that when we pray things happen. The Lord has truly touched me, and I am forever grateful.  I will never take a day for granted.

As Jesus told His disciples, the hour of His coming is not known, even the Son doesn’t know, only Father knows. Until then, we must, we have to, we need to be as much like Jesus as we can be. We just don’t know, but we can know where we are going. Jesus also said in my Father’s house are many rooms and I am going there to prepare a place for you. I didn’t know if that was going to be that day or not, but I knew my place was prepared for me and I just had to trust in God, my Savior One, He has never failed. One way or the other I was going to be ok. Thankfully it is here. Now more than ever it is time to reflect Jesus, because the hour truly is not known.

Things Are Not Always What They Seem

 Over the years, I have seen the result when someone believes they know truth about a situation and the result leads them into complete disconnect from another person because of what seemed to them was a forgone conclusion. The sad reality of the situation was the person never sought out the truth from the source they disconnected from. They simply took the misguided information as truth and through speculation saw things that were happening as if they were within reason, when in fact the things that were happening were not what they seemed in light of what was said from only one side. In fact, if this person would have taken the time to seek out the truth from the person they had disconnected from, then things would have made more sense. Things that seemed logical in the misguided light, would have been seen as clearly illogical and senseless. Thus, we get the phrase things are not always what they seem.  

In the Passion of the Christ as Jesus is hanging on the cross, it would seem as if Jesus is helpless and at a point where all is lost. The mockers in the crowd even mock Jesus with utterances such as, “He saved others, but He can’t even save Himself”.  It seems Jesus is at the brink of defeat. Herein lies the phrase at its fullest – things are not always as they seem. You see, Jesus clearly knows that not only is He about to save Himself and conquer the grave, but He is about to continue to provide a way to save others. The way to get there is accomplished in this overwhelming love He has for us and in that love – love is sacrifice. Sometimes love is sacrifice.

In the story above what the person committing the disconnect doesn’t realize is the sacrifice made for them to have as normal of a life as they could have in a situation that they didn’t create. In that situation, the one who was disconnected from had to sacrifice their rights, their relationships, and even their time to be connected in order to allow for the disconnected person to have a life free of turmoil as a relational pawn in a system that negates love with legality. This would mean the one giving up their rights would have to keep a low profile, all the while knowing their love for the other was still as deep as ever.

Despite sharing that love with the other person over the years, the misguided information led to a disconnect and today the one who sacrificed is still being shunned. The only real way to reconnect and restore the relationship is to go to the source and seek out the truth. The same is true with Jesus. Many of us have had misguided information and happenings in our life and so we disconnect from the one who loves us unconditionally. The only real way to unite with Him is to go to the source, and He will welcome us with open arms. Just like the person in the story, Jesus loves you and has sacrificed all for you. Perhaps it is time to seek the truth and stop holding out on what may simply be misguided information because – things are not always what they seem.

Paul and Governing Officials

 

My mind has been constantly stirring with the wonder of why professing Christians continue to rebut the leaders of the country and the states in which they live in. I have witnessed this from leadership as well as laity and it has caused me to wonder where and when this was deemed acceptable practice as a beneficial witness for the Kingdom. I try to see where it might be rooted in love, but I have a challenging time seeing love in this kind of action. Jesus-love – Agape’ love – is defined first as a selfless love. It would appear in these retaliatory actions that defy governing authorities due to a difference in viewpoints, the driving force of these actions is in fact the self. I have also seen professing Christian authority figures cast judgment on others that do not choose to join in these factions. Bible verses are used to defend their position and to some may seem convincing. Yet may I remind us that the Bible, if taken out of context, can be used to defend any argument if we so choose. Satan used the Bible when tempting Jesus, but Jesus righted it and put it back into context and Satan would be gone.

 

In the early days of the Church of Rome this same thing was happening. The early church had taken what Paul had said in Romans 12:1-2 and had become troublesome to the governing authorities. Paul had instructed them not to conform to the ways of this world, but to be transformed into a new person. The Church, (that would be the people today as well) took that as meaning not to put up with their government officials because they were not Christians. They began to cause trouble for the governing officials and that prompted Paul to write his next letter to them in Romans 13 to try and clarify what was truth about governing officials of the land. It reads.

 

Romans 13:1-2 (NLT2) says:
¹ Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God.
² So anyone who rebels against authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and they will be punished.

 

What the people needed to remember – as do we – is that these governing officials are instituted by the Lord God. This started as far back as the prophets and judges that led the people, but furthermore with their request of a king. From the time of King Saul, who was their first governing official, instituted by God, the people have had governing officials instituted by God. God is sovereign and yet we know that not all governing officials are those that lead with the will of God in their hearts. We see that from the beginning as well with King Saul as God says at one point, I wish I had never made you King. Yet here is a notable example of respect for governing authority even when we know it isn’t deserved. David – who has already been instituted (anointed) to be the next governing authority after Saul has not one, but two chances to take Saul’s life. David refused to do so because Saul was the instituted (anointed) by God governing authority. As a God-fearing believer it was not his – David’s – position to do such a thing. God would deal with Saul when God saw the time for it. When proof-texting to gain support for our rebellious actions against authority and using Romans 12:2, if we put it into context and read the rest of the chapter, we see that Paul also says in verse 17 never to pay back evil for evil but do everything in such a way that is honorable. Verse 18 tells us to live in peace with everyone. And verse 19 tells us God will take care of the paybacks when the time is right.

 

So, if God has instituted the governing authorities – IE the governor – and we rebel against the things they are putting into place, then according to what Paul writes in Romans 13 we are we not rebelling against God and run the risk of bringing Godly punishment on ourselves? This incites an inward type of fear in those who rebel, whether we want to admit it or not. There is that unconscious fear of what the ramifications will be because of our rebellion. Will we suffer fines, loss of employment, health issues, or possibly all of the aforementioned? Paul writes in the same chapter if we do what is right and do not rebel because we realize these governing authorities are instituted by the Lord God Himself, we can live without fear, (verse 3) and in verse 5 Paul writes we can keep a clear conscience. The ultimate mindset in this is found in verse 10. Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of GOD’S law.

Which brings me to the picture of perfect love as illustrated by the Son of God. I am reminded of how Jesus stood before Pilate in John 19. As Pilate has Jesus flogged and then parades Jesus in front of people Jesus simply stands there. Pilate pleads with Jesus to speak to him and says to Jesus – don’t you realize I have the power to set you free. Pilate was the governing authority and Jesus was not rebelling even though HE was the So of God. When Pilate tried to show his authority to the authority of all authority Jesus still did not rebel, He simply reminds Pilate in verse 11, that he would have no power at all except that which has been given him from above. That very phrase and the action or lack thereof is loaded with information. As Paul writes in Romans that all authority comes from God, and Jesus just reveals this to Pilate as well, we see at this point why Pilate does what he does. Pilate could have set Jesus free, but since his authority is from God and that was not the plan, Pilate could not override the authority that comes from God and therefore Barabbas was set free. We can see in verse 12 Pilate tried to release Jesus, but it wasn’t happening. This was not of God’s authority as Jesus was on a mission for all of us. The one thing Jesus and the Father have is unity. The authority of authorities was in complete unity with the Father and saw no reason to rebel against the governing authority because Jesus – through His unity with the Father – knew that Pilate had no power but that which was given him from above. To put it simple, Pilate’s authority comes from God, and he was placed in the position he was holding by God. What if Pilate didn’t listen to the people and Jesus was set free? What if Pilate didn’t pay attention to his own conscience – the Holy Spirit prompting – and set Jesus free? What Pilate did unbeknownst to him was for the greater good of the world. But God knew. Even as Jesus appears to be captive, He in fact is free because He would in fact overcome all that was before Him. Jesus was totally committed to the cause and when we are totally committed to Jesus, just as He was we too are free despite what it may seem. John 16:33, Jesus tells us in these situations to take heart for He has overcome the world. That same power is ours if we are totally committed just as He was/is through the cross.

 

When we rebel against authority today it tends to bring into question our authentic unity with the Father. If we made the realization Jesus did in regard to authority and had the same perfect unity with the Father through Jesus, would that change our views on items such as mask mandates, and vaccines? Would we view people differently regardless of the choices they make in these areas? Jesus did not rebel against governing authority even when He could have. Jesus’ unity with the Father identified the reality that in fact there was no need to rebel because Jesus knew He would accomplish ALL things the Father sent Him to do. This includes the resurrection. As mentioned before Romans 13:3 (NLT2) says,
³ For the authorities do not strike fear in people who are doing right, but in those who are doing wrong. Would you like to live without fear of the authorities? Do what is right, and they will honor you. This would seem to imply to me that we who rebel bring on our own fears primarily because we are rebelling governing authority in the first place. Perhaps deep down inside the real root of the fear is knowing we are rebelling against God. This is what potentially strikes fear in us. What makes this more concerning is when this is prompted by church leadership. Jesus said for us to love each other as I have loved you and prayed in John 17 that we would have the same unity that He and the Father have. If we truly have this love and unity, it behooves me why we as church leadership would feel it is “our right” to challenge – rebel – against the governing officials simply because it is not what we want for ourselves. As we know in the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus would have liked His cup of the cross to pass from Him. He sweat drops of blood as He cried out to the Father. Yet for the greater good of all mankind, and because He is love, Jesus also prayed those words I love so much – YET not my will but thine be done. Perhaps His will is for us to reveal His love even when we too may sweat a little. Perhaps we are to be like Jesus with our governing officials and remember who really is in control while avoiding a rebellious mindset to let God’s glory be revealed because we know He has overcome the world. What picture would Jesus have painted for us if He would have rebelled? If Jesus the authority of authorities would have put up a fuss about the way, they were treating Him what would they say about the words He had spoken to us previously? The words about loving each other, turning the other cheek, carrying their shirt a second mile, and being non-confrontational primarily would have been tainted. So, if that is the case if leaders of the church and professing Christians are openly rebelling against governing authorities, what picture does that paint for those observing such behavior? Biblically speaking are we not then rebelling against God according to the scripture. This mindset reminds me of Jeremiah 36 when king Jehoiakim is being read the scroll – God’s Word – and he cuts off what he doesn’t like and burns it in the fire. Essentially are we not doing the same? Something to think about. How do you respond to governing authority? Remember, love does no wrong to others, including governing authorities.

 

Shalom.

 

Moses and Community

January 24, 2019

Today as I read the first month after the Exodus as Moses leads the people of Israel in the wilderness, I am made aware of a few things from then that are a reality still today. It starts with the battle of the Amalekites. This tribe is from the descendants of Esau, and the Lord was going to see to it that they were no more. In this battle it is Joshua’s first battle as a free man after leaving the Egyptian oppression. Already Joshua is being set up as a mighty warrior, with the Lord’s help.  It is in Chapter 17 where we see Moses climbing a nearby hill and raising his staff towards the heavens which enables Joshua the upper hand in the battle. Moses being the chosen deliverer of the people is raising the same tool that split the Red Sea, turned into a snake before Pharaoh, and is essentially his direct connect to the Lord. In a sense the entire time it is raised it is like hands raised to heaven in prayer. After all, his hand is raised, and most likely Moses is praying something.  The Word goes on to point out that the entire time Moses hands were lifted (plural) Joshua had the upper hand in the battle. Anytime Moses hands would fall Joshua would lose ground and the enemy would gain control. To me this is a clear indicator to us we need to be as Paul says, in constant prayer to the Father.  When we let our guard down the enemy gains control. Paul also said do not let the enemy get a foothold so if we can pray without ceasing then we too will have the advantage in this battle that is not of flesh and blood.  Yet so many of us get tired and like Moses need someone to hold our arms up for us. Once again this is a clear indicator of community. We need each other to help each other in those times where we can just lift the arms up of our weary brothers and sisters to help them be victorious in their battles. We can’t do that if we avoid community. Can you imagine what would have happened or could have happened if Moses would have just let his arms drop and said I am too tired. What if Jesus said in the Garden, Lord this cup is too much for me, I am too weary, I can’t do it? Your church community is vital to your spiritual walk, and the Lord wants you to be a part of it. The Hebrew writer says in Hebrews 10:25 let us not give up meeting together like others do, so we can keep each other’s arms lifted up and encourage each other in their battles. (paraphrased).

I once was at a meeting for clergy. It was a meeting to encourage and lift each other up in their ministries just as the Hebrew writer confirms.  One of the pastors there felt a moving of the Holy Spirit and felt we should pray for each other holding the arms of the one we were praying over up while we anointed them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  The rush of the Spirit was overwhelming and each of us there left encouraged and empowered feeling victorious over the battles we had been engaged in.  Only in community can we help each other to this degree. God created us to be a community and it was revealed from the very beginning. Where do you find your support? I implore you to be a part of a local church community and see God move. See how much the Father's love lavishes for you through community.

Blessings

Prayer and the Backburner

Prayer and the Backburner

As I study this Advent season and engage in prayer with the Lord and through the National prayer chain with Pastor Corey Jones, it becomes more and more apparent of the need for us never to give up in prayer. I know of, and continue to hear stories of pastors that cease to have prayer meetings due to the lack of participants. Prayer is becoming less and less of a time where we cry out to Jesus engaging in the Spirit, and seems to be giving way to a more ritualistic style of prayer. We pray to open a service, to bless the offering, to close a service. We pray for the various given prayer requests and these things are needed and should be done, yet the Word tells us to pray in the Spirit. To do this we need to set aside a time where we can simply come into a non-restricted, untimed, moment where we can be one with Christ and simply give of ourselves completely in prayer. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 8 their prayers were answered because they first gave of themselves to God. Perhaps if we could avoid the scripted and scheduled moments of timed events in prayer and give fully of ourselves in the Spirit to the One True God, we could truly hear Him; chance becoming Gracefully Broken, and once again see the glory of God back in our churches.

In my studies I ran across something that gave me hope. I believe we often do get tired, when our prayers and prayer attempts seem to go unanswered. People seem to become disinterested and seemingly distance themselves from this important relationship enhancer with Christ. Yet as we look in Luke 1, and the story of the coming Messiah, we see in Zechariah’s story our prayers to the Father, are always heard even when we think perhaps the Lord has other plans for these prayers. Zechariah is in the sanctuary of the temple praying. It was his job to pray and intercede for the people; we can believe at this point he was praying for the people as it was the ritualistic duty of the appointed priest for that time period. It would appear he was doing his ritualistic duty, when the Angel of the Lord Gabriel appears to him at the right side of the altar with a message. I think it is important to note that it is the right side. The right side is designated in Matthew 25, as the place the sheep will be placed on the final day of judgment. It is the right side where Zechariah is told his prayer has been heard. (The right side seems to indicate throughout scripture something good is about to happen.) I am sure the Lord has heard his prayer for the people, but I believe there is more. It would seem plausible that Zechariah has accepted at this point in his life that he and Elizabeth will be without child. I believe while Zechariah may have prayed for a child many times in his lifetime, that particular prayer has probably been one he has accepted, to this point, as one that God probably has other plans for. While Zechariah has accepted the fact that he and Elizabeth have up to this very old age been barren and without child, it remains to some degree a heartfelt request – a wish, or request – that they would have or could have their own child. I believe that despite this prayer being placed on the backburner and perhaps not being one Zechariah may bring up every day now that he is old and has accepted where they are in this stage of life, God still hears the prayer of his heart. It is this prayer of the heart the Holy Spirit knows and is in groaning with us as we pray, and I believe this is the prayer the Angel Gabriel is speaking of when he announces the coming birth of Zechariah’s own son.

What this says to me is to never give up. We all have backburner prayers that we have prayed for a great deal of time. If we are honest with ourselves, we know in some respects these backburner prayers we have not prayed openly about for many days, months, or perhaps years. Yet the blessing and encouragement we can take from this story of Zechariah during this Advent season is no matter how long it has been God knows the prayer of our hearts and He hears them. This puts an enormous emphasis on the need to continue to pray in the Spirit, so we can engage with the prayers of the Holy Spirit. Just as Zechariah and Elizabeth had gone years in barrenness but now are the product of answered prayers, know the Lord hears your prayers. Be assured that the time of barrenness you may experience in your situation will come to an end in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus. Despite the fact we may have left the audible, or thoughtful mention of these prayers in our prayer encounters, should they remain the prayer of our heart, be assured the Lord hears your prayer, just as He did Zechariah and Elizabeth’s. The key to this is to continue praying in the Spirit while holding these prayers in our heart and being fully committed to the Lord in all things. We must “pray without ceasing”, and never lose hope. Then we too will hear those words; “God has heard your prayer”.

Immanuel, and have a great Advent Season.

This I Declare!

It was a crisp clear morning and the temperatures outside were comfortable. As we walked through the doors of the Mills Breast Cancer Institute anxiety began to well up inside me to the point I could feel it in my throat. The smell of a medical facility was all around us. The inside was plush and made to be as comfortable as possible. It was apparent all efforts were being made to help people comfortably cope with the effects of this life-changing disease we know as cancer. I could see men sitting in various waiting areas taking in the sun’s rays through the sparkling clean glass. The red-vested Carle auxiliary employees were all about assisting people with added amenities offered to ease the uncertainty of the wait. On a balcony overlooking the main waiting area was what appeared to be a small café with televisions to pass the time during longer waiting periods. The aroma of coffee had infiltrated this small area mixing it in with the familiar smell of a medical facility. I tried to remain strong and held onto the verse of the day as I kept repeating it to myself. Before we left I checked my daily verse app on my smart phone and I once again could tell the Lord was looking over us. It was from Psalms 91:2 which says, “This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him.” A refuge is a place to take shelter, and at that time I needed to be sheltered in His protective arms. My wife needed to be sheltered in His protective arms. We had prayed for His healing touch and we put our entire trust in Him. As I uttered those words to myself the anxiety was suppressed and the sweat in my eyes (our son Ben’s way of expressing crying) was dried. Karen was checked in and we were given a place to sit and wait for her to be called back. My first thought was thankfulness; now we can just take a moment and say a prayer and just spend some time alone. Little did I know in this place the wait is minimal. The noise of the settling of the seat chair had not even finished when out of the evaluation area came a kind-spirited woman calling my wife’s name. I immediately got up with her, and asked if it was ok if I accompany her to the area in which she was going. They assured me it was acceptable and there was a special waiting area for me close to the procedural area my wife was going to be in. I smiled and said thank you, and quickly walked back with them to prepare myself for this two hours of extreme testing to potentially rule out the word we have all grown to fear – cancer. We entered into a dimly lit area with many rooms and no visual paths to the outside. I was escorted to a small waiting room with a few seats and a love seat with a television next to a wide corridor. As they whisked my wife away to prepare for her procedures, I bowed my head and began to pray. Just as Daniel continued to do, I thanked the Lord for what He had already done, and yet I asked the Lord for His help as well. I needed help to ward of Satan and his attacks on my uncertainty. I have seen the Lord do great things in this area alone and I knew God would not give me such a gift only to take it prematurely, yet Satan has a way to work our weakest points, so I prayed. I also prayed that the moving of the Lord in this would be so evident that perhaps we wouldn’t have to be there for two hours. It wasn’t a time issue, but a real, without a doubt, healing from the Lord moment that would be a testament to others in how Great our God is. I prayed that if the Lord saw fit, that the specialists would see nothing and what they once saw would now be clear and they would tell my wife there is no need for any further testing and that she could go home. Yet in all this I also prayed as Jesus did that God prepare us for His will and not ours. After nearly fifteen minutes Karen came back out. She had just finished her first set of procedures. Once again I knew this was only the beginning and I could feel the angst beginning to well up in me again. I pulled my phone out and shared the verse from Psalms with Karen. She smiled and simply said, “yep” and I swallowed the angst right back down and we waited for what was next. Soon another very nice and compassionate lady came out and called Karen to follow her. She told us she needed more images that were more precise. I was not sure how to take that, but I knew from my history in medicine that that meant they were looking in one certain area of interest. The concern once again began to rise in me and once again I began to pray with no special requests, but simply that the Lord make it clear to them what they need to see and protect my gift. Karen was not away for long this time and soon she was back sitting with me in the little waiting area. It had now been about twenty minutes since the procedural process started and we both prepared for a potentially long day. Up to now we had not told anyone of this issue, except for a few pastor friends. We did not tell our children because we did not want to upset them with the unknown. I must confess however, when Karen was taken back the first time to begin the procedures I did reach out to a friend I was texting at the time to just pray for her. It is great to have people in places at times of need that will drop and pray right then. It had now been approximately twenty-five minutes of being in the procedural portion of the Mills Breast Cancer Institute. We were preparing for the possibility of two more hours with the specialists on hand, when the little lady with the kind and compassionate disposition came bouncing into the small waiting area and sat on the edge of the seat next to Karen with her hands folded across her lap. I could feel a huge lump well up in my throat as I prepared for the announcement and my eyes began to sweat. As she looked Karen directly in the eye, and with a smile I will never forget, she spoke the words we longed to hear. She told Karen she was free to go, that everything was clear and Karen was totally fine, there was no need for concern. My eyes began to sweat profusely, but this time with thanksgiving, and I thanked the Lord right there. I held it together quite well, yet the inside of me was in total jubilation as our God reigns. Not only had God healed and without question cleared her of any cancer questions, He made it so clear that we did not have to go through the two hours of testing. God is so good. God had shut the mouths of the lions’ and rescued my queen from the grip of a disease that is devastating. Like Daniel in the lions’ den, she had been protected and now we will live to tell the story. I could only think of the disciple John in John 21 after fishing all night. Peter, James, and John have caught no fishes but then Jesus tells them to cast their nets on the other side. They do so, yet it is during a time when fishing is usually at its worst. Yet through the miracles of Jesus the nets are full, and John realizes “It’s the Lord”. When my wife was cleared all I could say was “It’s the Lord”. One cannot deny the love and amazing power and grace of our creator. Good things come to those who love the Lord and are called according to His holy purposes. We truly are called to be His hands and feet and we are truly blessed for this day; another day yet not promised. Our hope is our experience through this ordeal can affect others just like Daniel’s experience affected the king. It says in Daniel 6:25-28 that the king was so moved by the presence of the Lord in Daniel’s situation, the king made a decree claiming the Sovereign Lord to be the One True God. It would appear that king Darius had his own encounter as a result of Daniel’s testimony of faith in this precarious situation. Karen and I want to be the witness to the awesome grace and power of the One True God, and hopefully help other’s see how a life with Christ is one you can depend on. We know we must be dependent on Him, as He has never failed us. He can and will do the same for anyone who so chooses Him and experiences their own personal encounter with Jesus. With Christ all things are possible and life will never be the same; This I declare.

Certainty in Times of Uncertainty

I remember the day, while driving home after a shift at the ER at Covenant Medical Center, when the Lord audibly spoke to me about my would-be wife. I worked in the ER on my days off from the ambulance as a Paramedic, and I had broken up with my – now wife Karen – because I basically felt we were too close, and due to past failed experiences I was truthfully simply afraid. I was afraid of going through the pains of failed relationships again. I was afraid of how it would affect me, and my children. In reality though, I was afraid of how it would affect me. I will have to admit, when it comes to complications in life, I am weak, and do not like them. So for me it was easier to just avoid them, so I had convinced myself, despite the fact Karen had been so faithful and honest with me in all things, that I just could not allow myself to trust a female to the point of vulnerability ever again. When we love someone with everything and trust them entirely there is some vulnerability that goes along with that. Yet to truly let go and trust one must enter that realm and say it is ok to enter the realm of vulnerability because you truly do trust that individual. In real God centered love, it is built on trust. The Bible tells us to trust in the Lord and lean not on our own understanding, and that in itself says become vulnerable, because you won’t fully understand it, but He will never fail you. A Christ – centered marriage will not fail you because God and God – centered trust is what it is built on, and that is when God spoke to me that day on Kinch street in Urbana, Illinois. As I was driving southbound on Kinch preparing to turn to the east on Rainbow View to go to my little humble duplex, (of which Karen helped me get) it was as if God knocked me upside the head to get my attention. I remember it well as I remember looking around the car as if to see if someone was in there I had missed. It was then I heard Him say so clearly to me, “I give you the best thing in your life, and you throw it away! When are you going to listen to Me?” I knew immediately what the Lord was saying to me and tears began to well up in my eyes. As I pulled into my driveway, I ran inside and called Karen who was working at the 911 center. My first words to her came in the form of a question. I asked her if I could grovel at her feet. I told her I was wrong, and I knew it. I asked if I could meet her when she finished her shift to talk, and she hesitantly obliged. From there the rest is history, but the first thing we did was dedicate our lives first and foremost to Christ, knowing if we did that, our relationship would always be solid. That was nearly twenty years ago, and God has seen us through a great deal of life’s adventures along the way. Now my known gift from God – my wife Karen – faces another of life’s battles. As she lives daily with the chronic pain and life changing results from being struck by a city bus on the driver’s side of our then new van, we now face the uncertainty of further testing from a mammogram that revealed inconsistencies from a previous mammogram. The inconsistencies were significant enough that she will be put through two hours of testing with all the specialists at her side and an immediate diagnosis will be made after all the testing is finished. What makes this a greater test of faith is the time lapse from the notification of the need for testing and the actual date of testing. There has been over a week between these dates and in these dates a lot can happen to the wandering minds of the weak, however we know our God is greater, our God is stronger, our God is higher than any other. My first thought was that of denial, as I suppose it would be for most people. I wanted to push it off as some of the unethical practices that occur in the medical field in today’s world. Yet one cannot take for granted the necessity of being sure this is not one of those instances. Soon after coming to grips with the situation, I felt the still small voice of God telling me, “remember she is your gift from Me”. The voice of God gives me comfort and still does today, and then I read Daniel 6. In Daniel 6, Daniel is facing a life-threatening battle of his own. Because of his beliefs in the one true God he is going to be thrown into the Lion’s Den. We know that God rescues Him as we believe God has and is already rescuing Karen from this situation and I will be glad to write about it when we have that testimony. Yet what Daniel does before being put in the Lion’s Den, is what speaks to me. It is the waiting period at times that often causes our faith to dwindle. If you remember as the people of Israel are led out of Egypt after years of oppression, any time they have to wait upon the Lord, they do things that are less than favorable. Yet in Daniel’s case his faith never seems to waiver. He doesn’t seem to get caught up in those potential faith destroying schemes of others. Instead it says in Daniel 6:10-11, when Daniel heard things were going to get tough, he simply kept praying to God giving God thanks, and asking Him for help. So often we get into the realm of the unknown and rather than continuing in the direction of dependency on God, we revert back to the very things that inject fear and uncertainty into our situation. Had Daniel felt uncertain about his God, he may have decided to pray in a closet, or shut the windows, but instead it says he prayed as he always did and gave God thanks all the while asking God for help. Perhaps if we quit letting fear and worry invade us through an avenue that Satan finds usable in most people of the flesh, then we too would be able to shut the mouths of the lions. Often times, we instead give way to worry, Satan fills us with uncertainty and we tend to forget the dependability factor of the one we need to depend on the most in God the Father through His Son Jesus Christ. With God all thing are possible even the closing of the lions’ mouth; the disinterested and unfounded non-life threatening life taking man eaters have lost their desire for flesh and similarly when we do as Daniel did we can shut the mouths of the enemy in situations that otherwise would consume us and hold us captive in fear. Remember it is a spiritual battle we are in not to mention the physical battles we engage in simultaneously, thus the need for the Sovereign Lord. It was this truth of God’s Living Word that brought me to the realization that with Him we have nothing to fear. Just as Daniel kept on praying we too have continued praying giving God thanks for what He is doing, about to do, and has done. We are asking God for help in keeping our minds from drifting from the truth that our God is bigger than any other, and it is in His hands. It is with this truth we have been living daily knowing God has already taken care of this the way He intends to take care of this. In whatever way He views necessary, we know we will be a testament to the awesome power of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We may not know about tomorrow, but WE do know who holds OUR hand. Just as Daniel was able to walk out of that lions’ den unscathed it is our belief as a witness of two, that God will see us through this and the lions’ mouths will be shut once more and my gift – my bride – will be delivered again. We have seen God do great miracles before and we know He is able to do abundantly more through His great power that dwells within us.