Thankfulness in the Aftermath

 

Happy Anniversary honey! I said to my wife this morning as I woke her early this AM. I’m happy we get to have this day together. “Me too”, she said with her eyes beginning to sweat. It has now been three days since my cardiac event that wrecked us. What makes this so incredibly difficult for us is the fact that there is no cardiac history in my family, and up to that point I have been in incredibly good health. I play basketball, baseball, and coach these sports still. When I say I play them, I mean I play alongside the teams I coach. That is why I love to coach, because I get to play too. A few years ago, I worked diligently to get my health and wellness back into a good place, lost a lot of weight and began exercising so that I could be in the position of good health. My primary physician has deemed me to be in the best health he has seen me to be in since he has known me. I have coached his son in baseball too, so we have known each other for quite some time. Then comes the unexpected, and it has the ability to change your perspective.

It seems we as a people generally default in our thought process of life in one of two directions; we seem to think it won’t happen to me, or it isn’t that bad. I think when life is in a constant, with no significant mountains or valleys, we tend to think this way. I remember when some of my friends died unexpectedly and the way it hit me. They were young and I was in unbelief as one of my friends was only in his thirties. I had worked for him as my AD.  He had just encouraged me in a new assignment I was on as I was working through some bumps in the road. He was a great man of God, and I was shocked beyond belief. I had taught a couple of his daughters in Bible class, so I was left with an empty feeling for quite some time. Yet still I felt that feeling of relief in knowing my health was good. I believe if we are honest most of us would say to ourselves in that situation, “but that won’t happen to us”. 

About a year later after Father’s Day, another friend of mine had just preached an excellent service on Father’s Day. He too, was fairly young, and the next day they would find him deceased. Again, I was in disbelief. We had grown up together. We were in the same youth group when we were teenagers. I remember thinking how can this be, and feeling hurt for his wife. She too, was one I had known for a long time and grew up with when we were teenagers. I immediately began to pray over them and ask the Lord to give them comfort in such a difficult situation. Thankfully, they carried a strong relationship with Jesus.  But again, that feeling of thankfulness for good health came over me, and if I am truthful that thought process of “that won’t happen to me” must have subconsciously entered my mind.

Fast forward another year. It is just before Father’s Day and one of my kids goes through a serious manic outburst. It was hateful, demonic, and beyond hurtful. It was one of those moments that I began praying and casting out the darkness and the principalities of darkness. Again, as I have stated, my previous life as a flight medic began to bring flashbacks to me. I began to recollect a certain call I had been on. On this call it was a horrific scene from a son who had had a manic episode. The son had been noncompliant with his psyche meds and stabbed his father to death. I had never (and still to this day) seen so many stab wounds to one individual. The son was obviously not himself and had fled the scene. The worst part was wondering how the son would feel once he understood – if he ever would – what he had done to his father. As my child growled and made these noises only hatred and anger and demonic things could do, I could sense the Lord pressing in as I prayed over the situation and soon it was over. My child got the help needed. I received counseling as well, and today that part is much improved. Yet as it was all taking place, I remember feeling Lord can you just take me home, so I don’t have to face this. Then this massive event happens to me.

This past weekend was the most major awakening, God inspiring event, besides my salvation experience, that I’ve probably ever had. I believe the Lord was giving me some insight as to what it would be like if He did take me home as early as the time I was whining to Him. As I sat in that emergency room and ICU bed, the Lord awakened me to the fact that there is much left to do. It was much like a Jonah experience.  I am reminded of FFH and their song that says “are you in the big fish, are you sittin’ in the middle of a world gone bad. Do you wanna get out of the big fish, then listen to God and follow His plan”,  HIS PLAN!  His plan is to prosper you and not to harm you. Jeremiah 29:12 

In these past couple days, it has been a little rough. I have a new medicine that I have to adjust to, and it has taken me a minute. But in these few days I have come to realize just how thankful I am for this day in particular. God gave this day to my wife and I and He saw me through to celebrate it with her. I am thankful that He has shown me not to take any day for granted and to love like Jesus loved. I am thankful that he has humbled me as a previous medic to see that what we as health care providers deem as – “it’s not so bad” – can in fact be life changing. We tend to think that getting cardioverted is no big deal, but when it happens to you, it brings a new perspective to the reality of the risks involved. We tend to think that pushing Adenosine is no big deal, but when it happens to you, you tend to realize the fact that it literally stops your heart for a second and this could literally be life changing. What about my family? What about my puppies? What about my church family? All those things begin to race through your head but remember – it’s not so bad. 

The truth is it really isn’t that bad with Jesus by your side. He is the great comforter. I remember the nurse in the room with me when they were getting ready to push the big dose of Adenosine. I had worked with her a long time and I knew her facial expressions well. The expression she was wearing was concerning. This must have reflected in my facial expression because she then did a double take to me and as she looked back at me just before the dose was administered, she calmly said to me, “you’re good, you’re good”. 

In these past few days as I have been adjusting to this medicine, I am good. God has given me this new perspective. I want to be more intentional about spreading His message and His love to all those I come in contact with. It starts with my family and especially my wife. She is my gift from God. That story can be found on my podcast – The Wreckn’ning. I am also thankful for my church family. They have been my prayer warriors and my support system during this. I am also thankful for my Monday Intercessory Prayer team led my Melissa Wright. I know they were praying over me the day I was getting the shock. We’ve prayed together for years now, and when we pray things happen.  God is so good, and my intention is to make good of His goodness. Because....I am good! Praise Jesus, I am good! Thanks be to God.